The Center for Missed Connections

Most Creative Misspelling of "Diagonal" of the Day

Wed, 07 Dec 2011 22:03:59 -0500

THICK EBOBY FEM ON 5 TRAIN .. - m4w - 23 (BRONX)

THICK EBONY FEM ON 5 TRAIN READING OR STYDYING EARLY LIKE 545 YOU GOT OFF IN 42 ND ST GRAND CENTRAL WITH ME ..I’M LATINO WITH AND GRAY JACKET SITTING DOAGNOL FROM YOU

All I can say is you are sexy and don’t turn around cause that pretty round thing was good to me …. Hit me up

Some Highlights of Missed Connections Grammar Fail

Mon, 28 Nov 2011 11:55:00 -0500

One of the things that really shapes the Missed Connections world is style. Posts are written in a range of tones, length, and apparently, grasp of the English language and spelling and grammar conventions. Sometimes this is entertaining and creates a bizarre accidental poetry, as seen in this post:

August/September 2005 corner of 59th and lex - m4w (Midtown)

Our eyes met as you crossed the street coming east on 59th street. Our gaze never wandered as if reading each other like a book you continued to talk to your friend without braking eye contact. As you passed by me you squeezed my side without braking stride. Your touch seemed as if it pierced my soul, I have never been touched like that by another woman and probably never will in the future. As I stood there frozen in my tracks wandering what the hell just happened to me it dawned on me that I should peruse, but by that time you were too far gone. If these words make it to you, I’m not frozen anymore and ready to peruse.

I actually think in a weird way “braking” almost works here, but there’s something really creepy about saying you want to “peruse” a woman.

Sometimes these misspellings and use of cyberspeak make me want to tear my hair out, but might just indicate that the post is being written on a smartphone:

jammed door - m4w (upper east side)

As i borded the train this morning i cought you at a glance in the other car i wanted to make my way to you but the door seem to be jamed thoe the wasnt the first time ive seen you but one of many morrning i finly got up just wannt to say hello.

Then again, this post is actually one sentence. ONE.

Sometimes, people who do have a grasp on English spelling and grammar conventions don’t always use them very well either—or, when using them, prove themselves to be morons.

Tripping on your hose: Essex street market - w4m - 22 (Lower East Side)

To the handsome Adonis over whose hose

my friend tripped: I suppose

you have great abs

and want you to know I’m up for grabs.

I was in stripes, didn’t have the time to talk

sometime we’ll make love on your wet sidewalk.

Self-consciously hackneyed poetry: NOT A TURN ON, LADIES. Also I think you know or don’t know if this guy has “great abs.”

Getting That Kate Bush Song Stuck In My Head of the Day

Mon, 14 Nov 2011 11:23:01 -0500

Cathie Eagle is… - m4w - 43 (Prospect Heights)

My Catherine Earnshaw. He never treat you right. Let me take you to Yorkshire moors. Where we belong.
I am your Heathcliff. He always break you’re heart. Old printing press is no Wuthering Heights. Instead of ghosts love haunts our home.

There are a few literary romances that I’m pretty sure no one actually wants to resemble, and Wuthering Heights is one of them. If that’s what you want, I mean, whatever, but you’re either a masochist or an idiot.

I am also wondering why the author went to the trouble of using bad grammar but didn’t next-level it and try to write a phonetic Yorkshire accent to pay further tribute to the book.

Barely An Actual Sentence of the Day

Fri, 11 Nov 2011 09:38:14 -0500

last night at the watch the throne concert - m4w - 18 (manhatten)
i really think the two ladys next to me and my homeboys at the watch the throne concert last night is so beautiful yall two can parties yall ass off we was in section 331 row J

PostingID: 2693999723

Shower Before or After, I Will Never Be Clean Enough Of The Day

Wed, 12 Oct 2011 09:50:17 -0400

Listen, I know it’s a bad economy (oh believe me, I know), but honestly, would anyone be into this? “Yes, this sounds like the gig for me. I love having people eat raw fish off my naked body for $150 and some food.”

Private Sushi Event… - m4w - 99 (Battery Park)

Looking for 1-2 girls for Sunday night, 7pm…. small house warming where the four guests would like to eat sushi off beautiful women. Event will last at least two hours. Food and drinks will be provided.

Minimum compensation is $150 for two hours per person. (Negotiable)

Please respond with pics, level of clothing comfort, and if you’re bringing another girl. (Two girls preferred)

We ask that you come sober and clean.

Shower is available before or after the event.

In an attempt to understand the young people and their "social media" I made a CMC Twitter account.

Mon, 03 Oct 2011 08:58:43 -0400

In an attempt to understand the young people and their "social media" I made a CMC Twitter account.

Please Imagine This Being Read Out Loud by Christopher Walken as "The Continental" of the Day

Sat, 01 Oct 2011 15:14:00 -0400

Venus in Oliva - m4w - 52 (Lower East Side)

You took my breath away. Brunette at the bar with your hair pulled up and blue top, out with the nice bald and bearded guy, you really flipped me out. I never saw a more beautiful and expressive face as yours. Thank you goddess for lifting my heart and sharing your smile. Here’s to you. A one in a million lady.

(At the end, he raises his glass of champagne (“cham-pan-ya”) and gazes knowingly.)

First thought while at NY Art Book Fair Preview

Fri, 30 Sep 2011 08:37:18 -0400

“Man, there will be so many Missed Connections this weekend because of this event.”

Second thought: “Hey, I made that piece at that table over there!”

It was really awesome to finally get to meet Eleanor and Oliver from The Present Group, who were super instrumental in developing the CMC. If you’re wandering the tent in the front courtyard check them out—my Taxonomy of Missed Connections poster is on display, along with a bunch of other really great projects.

Because I'd Be Looking on Missed Connections for a Place to Have Sex and Not a Person to Have Sex With of the Day

Sun, 25 Sep 2011 08:28:00 -0400

Couple need a place to play? - m4mw - 44 (Chelsea)

It’s Saturday night! Do you need a place to stop by for some quick sex? I’ve got a room at a nice hotel in Chelsea, near Broadway and 25th. I would just love to watch you play. No participation necessary. Generous white male. Stop by for a couple minutes or play longer. Let me know!

“Oh man, I would really love to have sex with you right now, stranger at the bar.”

“I would also like that, but we can’t go to my place. My roommate’s parents are visiting and that would be weird.”

“Oh no, we can’t go to my place either! My ceiling caved in.”

“Perhaps we should check Missed Connections to see if there are any available places to have sex?”

“That makes so much sense!”

(End scene.)

This is a market that PadMapper should really look into.

Again With The Emphasis on Intellectual Casual Sex of the Day

Fri, 23 Sep 2011 12:51:51 -0400

Oh, where to begin. I don’t really understand the idea that a “massage” might be better with someone from an Ivy, but also there’s a terrible economy joke in it, like, that Ivy League education got you here, soliciting on Missed Connections essentially to be a gigolo.

Also, “Please send email if you are interested in continuing this conversation” when you’re actually just talking to the void that is Craigslist? Dude, did you just copy/paste your cover letter you sent to various classy wealthy ladies? Lazy.

PERFECT LOOKING MAN WITH IVY-EDUCATION AND TALENTED MASSAGE FOR WOMEN - m4w - 31 (MANHATTAN AND NEARBY CT, NJ, LI, NY)

I am a man that is classy, fun, well-traveled, mature, safe, sophisticated and very very handsome. I provide the ultimate professional massage experience for women seeking only the very best. I am well traveled and have created a great client group which I wish to expand.

I am 6’ tall, 185lbs, brown hair, blue eyes, toned body, GQ looks and understand the use of the mind as well as body to provide the best ultimate relaxation experience for women seeking the best. Please send email if you are interested in continuing this conversation and scheduling an appointment.

Thank you. Best regards.

Mark

Pretty Sure No One Is Debating This of the Day

Thu, 22 Sep 2011 16:30:18 -0400

Ah yes, the “let’s have an argument about a movie from the 1980s” pickup line. Also, I am shocked to read that this woman doesn’t know anyone really familiar with Dirty Dancing. What’s wrong with her friends?

I Have This Great Debate Point About the ‘Dirty Dancing’ Remake! - w4m - 29 (Greenpoint)

The other day, I came up with this amazing insight that can instantly shut down ANY debate about whether it is okay for them to be remaking “Dirty Dancing” (they are, and it is not okay). But I realized I didn’t have anyone to share it with, because I don’t know anyone who even knows the original very well, let alone knows the original well enough to be familiar with the plot point my argument is based around BUT ALSO foolhardy enough to argue for a remake. So, I am looking for someone very familiar with the original version, who is interested in (and possibly turned on by the idea of) having their argument completely shot down by me and my awesome “Dirty Dancing” remake-related insight. Email me if that sounds like you!

“ROAD HOUSE” FANS NEED NOT APPLY! THIS MEANS YOU!

I am so tired this post seems hilarious of the day

Wed, 21 Sep 2011 17:38:01 -0400

In anticipation of presenting some of my research this weekend at the LMCC’s Open Studios I haven’t really been sleeping much, and most of the food I’ve been eating has been beige. This has sort of fried my brain. Is this funny? Because I think it is but I might also just be losing it. I think it’s the sincere use of the word “cutie” and the fact it’s an emoticon with a bracket that’s killing me.

hey cutie, i delivered pizza to you today :] - m4w - 22 (dobbs ferry)

i definitely felt something when you looked at me. when i gave you your change i said “here you go, cutie” and i really meant it. and as you were walking away i noticed you walked slow so i could take in the view, i liked what i saw quite a bit :]
anyway… tell me what pizza shop and/or what you ordered so i know it’s you
i hope to hear from you soon :]

Excerpt from a report I'm writing about subway Missed Connections

Wed, 21 Sep 2011 14:15:07 -0400

The L train covers a range of commercial and residential zones by running across town in Manhattan and being the most direct route to Williamsburg, an extremely lonely area of Brooklyn, and more particularly to Bedford Avenue, a street lined with bars, boutiques, and sorrow.

I am having a lot of fun with this.

How Is This Remotely Charming of the Day

Tue, 20 Sep 2011 09:48:33 -0400

Sometimes when I’m entering data I write notes in my “Notes” section that are not actually helpful, just a way to vent. Often, I end up writing “This is why I am going to die alone.” If this is what constitutes a magical memory I am pretty sure I need no magic.

doggystyle dry hump - w4m - 30 (Maracuja, Williamsburg)

we met in the backyard of Maracuja on saturday night. you were tall and dressed all in black. while you were talking to my cousin i snuck up behind you, bent you forward from the waist, and dry humped you doggystyle. was it just me, or did something really magical happen between us that night? hopefully we can find that magic again…

So I made a Filemaker database.

Tue, 13 Sep 2011 18:53:21 -0400

So I made a Filemaker database.

In Defense of Futile Gestures

Tue, 13 Sep 2011 17:16:26 -0400

So it may be inappropriate to admit this, but: I post Missed Connections sometimes. Because I have them. I don’t think of it as necessarily problematizing the data because well, they are actually valid and I count them. So I posted one a few days ago with no response from the person in question (which I expected), but I did get this email:

Not having any luck finding that person that you saw on Craigslist? That’s because the
method used on Craigslist is completely ineffective.

If you really want to find that other person, you should give I T I G G Y a try. There you’ll
be able to safely search for and make contact with that person with complete anonymity.
You’ll also be able to communicate with them via an internal and private messaging
system, but neither of you will ever know each other’s names or details unless you decide
to exchange them.

I T I G G Y … taking an old idea and making it much, much better.

I went to the site and, as far as I can tell, it’s Missed Connections with more bells and whistles and a more explicit agenda. And I responded to the email with this:

Hi,

I’m just sort of curious what your definition of “effective” is here,
insofar as I don’t think that Missed Connections is necessarily always
about finding a person. It’s as much a forum for messages in bottles,
stories, exhibitionism, and spam as it is a personals site. And that’s
why I think it’s kind of great. I mean, my post was to someone I
actually know—I could have just as easily conveyed the contents of
that post in a Facebook message directly to him, but that’s 1) really
weird and 2) not necessary, as I’m not really interested in pursuing a
relationship with that person. I just was genuinely glad I ran into
them at a social function. It was a post more for expressing a
sentiment that, while positive, doesn’t necessarily need to be shared
with the person who elicited that sentiment.

Listen, I’m probably being unnecessarily argumentative here because
I’m kind of a self-styled Missed Connections expert—I’ve been
researching and making work based on NYC MCs for a little over two
years now and I’m actually doing a residency right now creating
artwork based on that research. So while I’m sure your website is
great for a particular demographic of MC users, it makes me a little
sad to see it reduced to being called an “ineffective” dating site.
Maybe I’m a Luddite, but I love that there are a few Web 1.0 holdouts
going strong still, and Craigslist is one of the best among them. I’m
not really expecting a response here, as I don’t even think you read
my post, but I hope that you understand where I’m coming from as an observer and participant in the Missed Connections community.

I’m not entirely sure if this reply makes me a crazy person or not, but I’m genuinely annoyed by the attempts to capitalize on/”improve” upon the Missed Connections concept. It seems like it’s missing the point. Am I being ridiculous here? I’d actually really like to hear from people about this.

And Now, Some Charts

Sun, 11 Sep 2011 15:33:00 -0400

I’ve been neglecting data analysis and visualizations for the last week or so because I wanted to accumulate more data. As of now I’ve processed one week’s worth of Missed Connections posts (8/11/2011-8/18/2011), which is a little over 1,000 posts and a more reasonable number from which to draw conjecture. Also (more Google plugs!) it is easy to make charts like these super quick in Google Docs. So here’s a big picture on the content I’ve been slogging through for most of August and September:

(Note on the cut off text in the situation chart: that third to last one is “Places Where There Is Food.” The complexities of sit-down restaurant vs. diner vs. McDonald’s was getting to be too much. Clarification will come later when we do a more thorough report on food and Missed Connections in general.)

These results are pretty consistent with previous data analyses I’ve done of NYC Missed Connections. Some of the situations may be skewed to anomalous seasonal activities (the beach, Celebrate Brooklyn), but that generally balances out (with Christmas things, Halloween parties, etc.).

Now it’s time to start delving deeper into the content. Getting psyched. Expect lots more charts soon.

OK, I Think This One is Actually Kind of Sweet of the Day

Sun, 11 Sep 2011 14:13:00 -0400

Tanya + Strand … You, Me and Patti Smith - m4w (STRAND)

tanya,

who really knows if you’re going to end up seeing this post of not, but i felt compelled to write so here goes.

on monday afternoon around 4pm, i stopped by strand to pick up a copy of ‘patti smith: dream of life’.

as i approached the next register available, you greeted me again with a pretty spectacular smile. i say again because i had visited strand a few days prior to pick up a copy of the same books, and by chance you were at the register i walked up to then. as i subtly commented on the coincidence, you didn’t miss a beat and joked that i had probably been cutting out pictured to hang on my wall, and i’m still laughing about that.

your sense of humor and amazing smile … i wouldn’t mind being around both a little bit more. care to make jokes over coffee or drinks?

here’s to trying. or, you know, i could just come in and buy a third copy of the book.

Bitching About Missed Connections, On Missed Connections

Sun, 11 Sep 2011 12:16:11 -0400

I’ll NEVER get a missed connection - m4w - 25 (Brooklyn, NY)
I go out all the time. I’m really active and all around town and the neighborhood. I’m fit and social. Yet I never get a missed connection. Why are girls so nitpicky and analytical? Do I have to look like Ryan Phillipe or Leonardo DiCaprio to get a missed connection? I guess since I look like Jeff Goldblum I’m not good looking enough to get a missed connection.

Yo dude, Jeff Goldblum rules. You need to shut it and give it time. The ladies who want Jeff Goldblum probably have the moxie to actually approach Jeff Goldblum, and come on, isn’t that the kind of girl you’d prefer?

Shenanigans Subject Line of the Day

Wed, 24 Aug 2011 07:48:16 -0400

I am pretty sure a nude housecleaner is something you want, not something you need, dude.